AUTHOR’S NOTE: This is a short crossover story for Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Pushing Daisies. I mean, come on, who among us hasn’t wondered what would happen if Ned met a vampire? It’s not in any way finished or even really started. It was just another “what if” that I had to answer for myself. I don’t have any plans to do anything else with it. So if you’re so inclined to take the idea and do your own thing with it, feel free!

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Spike reached out a hand to the fallen pie-maker before the vampires had time to notice his vulnerability. He had little time to register the strange sensation that flooded him as he hauled the young man to his feet. Another three vamps had joined the fray, and Buffy was hard-pressed to keep them at bay, much less complete an actual slay.

Spike rushed to her side, drawing off several vamps to give Buffy some breathing room. Though the vampires he was fighting were unskilled, Spike was having a hard time finishing the job. He felt sluggish and unfocused, a strange heat pulsing through his body distracting him. He saw two of Buffy’s opponents fall to dust, just as he rammed a stake through one of his own. The pie-maker stood away from the fray, his eyes wide, jaw slack and hands dangling. Spike ignored him and grit his teeth in frustration as his remaining opponent danced away from his stake yet again.

Buffy dusted her final vamp and moved to Spike’s side to assist. Just as she was approaching for the kill, the vamp crumpled to dust, leaving her standing there, stake raised, shock on her face.

“Did you?” She asked her lover.

Spike’s chest heaved as he tried to suck in enough air to speak. “Not me, pet.” He gasped.

She looked at him with concern. “You alright?”

He shook his head. “Not sure. Somethin’ weird’s goin’ on.”

Their eyes traveled together to rest on the pie-maker, who was still standing motionless, in shock.

His mouth moved silently for a moment, then words tumbled out in a rush. “That… what just happened?”

“Vampires, mate.” Spike stated flatly. “But I don’t think that’s the whole story.”

The pie-maker was staring at Spike with an expression of absolute shock, and fear. Spike touched his face, wondering if he was still in game-face. Finding his face smooth, he thought about it and realized he hadn’t fanged out at all during the fight. That wasn’t all that unusual. The whole fight had only taken a few minutes, he hadn’t had much time to get his adrenaline up enough to vamp out. So why was the pie-maker staring at him as if he had two heads?

“How the hell did that last vamp dust?” Spike caught Buffy saying as he came out of his reverie. “I didn’t stake him, you didn’t stake him…”

“It’s as if he dropped dead of his own accord.” Spike finished for her.

“Looks like he clocked you a good one before he did.” Buffy said, a note of concern in her voice. She moved to touch the abrasion on his cheek where the vampire had hit him. Spike jumped at her touch, which was surprisingly cool on his skin.

Buffy grabbed his arm and pulled him closer, laying her hand on his face. “Jeez, Spike, you’re burning up. Are you….what’s wrong?”

Spike heard the panic edging into her voice, and felt fear creep over him as well. Anything that could trigger fever in a vampire couldn’t be good. “Dunno, love.” The electric pulsing in his body seemed to increase in both speed and intensity. It reminded him of a human heartbeat pumped up on terror. At that thought, he grabbed Buffy’s hand and drew it to his chest.

As her eyes grew even rounder in shock, he knew.

“How?” She gasped.

Spike tore his gaze from his lover to look at the pie-maker. “I think the pie-man has some ‘splainin’ to do.” He said in a voice that was surprisingly calm and even.

Spike stalked over to the pie-maker, reaching for his shoulder to shake him out of his shock. Before he could make contact, the young man jumped back.

“Don’t touch me!” He yelped.

Spike growled in frustration. “Not gonna hurt you, mate. I’m a good vampire.”

Even as he said it, he wondered if it was technically true. Something had happened to him. He could feel the electric pulse still pounding through his body, the unnatural heat filling his veins. He felt different, certainly. But what exactly had happened wasn’t at all clear.

“Vampire?” Ned asked shakily. “Is that what you are?”

“Dunno at the moment.” Spike said flatly. “But that’s what I’ve been for a good long while now.”

“I had no idea. I wouldn’t have… if I’d known…”

“What did you do?” Buffy demanded.

“Here’s the thing. I have this… ability. If I touch dead things… they come to life.”

Buffy sucked in a breath. “Oh my god.”

“But there are these… limits? I guess? After I bring something back, after a minute, something else dies. Like, to balance it out, you know?”

Spike raised an eyebrow. “So that vamp… he dusted because of what you did to me?”

“I guess. I’m not totally clear on the whole vampire thing… how that works….”

“A vampire is technically a dead body.” Buffy said. “A dead human body animated by a demon spirit.” She looked at Spike apologetically. “I mean, that’s the general idea, it’s a bit more complicated than that.”

“So, if it was already technically dead, then how did my… thing… kill it?”

“I’m guessin’ it was the demon that got chucked under the bus in exchange…” Spike’s voice trailed off. He still couldn’t quite verbalize what had happened to him. “The body can’t hold together without the demon.”

Buffy looked at the pie-maker intently. “So what’s with the no-touchy?” She asked “If you’ve already undeaded him, why does it matter if you touch him again?”

“That’s the other limit.” Ned explained. “Once I’ve ‘undeaded’ something, another touch from me will ‘redead’ it. Permanently.

“So I touch you again, I go back to bein’ a vamp?” Spike considered this possibility.

“I… I don’t know.” Ned stammered. “Like I said, I’ve never done this to a vampire before. It might just kill you. I’d rather not find out, if you don’t mind.”

“But if you don’t touch him again, then he stays like this? Alive?”

“Yeah.” Ned said quietly. “He stays alive.”

Buffy’s eyes glistened with tears as she turned back to her partner. “How’s that sound, lover? Alive.”

Spike looked at her, wondering if she’d really thought through all that this might mean. There would be a lot to figure out. But for the moment, he could give her this. His pounding heart, his warm body. For this moment, they could be just two humans in love.

“I’ll take it.” Spike said, laying Buffy’s hand on his chest again, feeling the beat of his heart against her palm. “I’ll take it.”

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Buffy ended her call with Giles, promising to call him as soon as they had more information.

“Watcher have anything useful to say?”

“A whole lot of stammering and some “good lords”. Pretty sure I heard him clean his glasses twice.”

“Guess I get to be an anomaly again.”

“You’ve always been unique, Spike. We should really stop being surprised by anything that happens to you.”

“Fair point, love. Would be nice to get advance notice every now and again though. Or at least an explanation after the fact.”

“Giles did bring up an interesting question, though. What happened to your demon?”

“What’s that?”

“Well, the working theory is that it was the other vamp’s demon that paid the price for your life. That’s why he spontaneously dusted.”

“Right.”

“Then, what happened to your demon? Did it automatically die when you were brought to life? As kind of part of the process? Did it just leave your body? Or…”

“Or?”

“Well, it’s kind of an unprecedented situation Giles wasn’t sure if it would be possible for a vampire demon to survive in a live human body.”

“So… Watcher thinks I might still have a demon in residence?”

“He didn’t know.”

“Would give him a good excuse to carry on hating me.”

“He doesn’t hate you, Spike. You know he doesn’t. He’s just… curious.”

“Don’t know what to tell him, pet. This is all new to me as well. Can’t bloody tell what’s goin’ on inside my skin at the moment.”

“Hmmm… I think too many clothes is what’s going on outside of your skin…”

“You’re right about that, love. We’ll have to do something about that, won’t we?”

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 “Where are you in your cycle, pet?”

“What?”

“Your monthly cycle. Want to make sure we don’t have to worry about protection.”

She looked at him quizzically.

“If I’m alive now, figure I can knock you up same as any bloke.”

“Knock me… oh.” Her eyes grew wide. “Well that’s something new to think about, huh? Little Williams and Buffys.”

“Nice thought, that. But probably something to think about once we’re a bit more certain of the situation. Probably not something we want to leave to chance right away.”

“Right. Plenty of time for that later. Responsibility, thy name is Buffy.” She sighed. “Guess we ought to get to a drug store.”

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The next morning, Buffy and Spike stopped at the Pie Hole late in the morning. Spike marveled at the way the sunlight played over Buffy’s hair, and she kept catching him looking at her, mostly because she kept stealing glances at him as if she, too, couldn’t believe it was real.

The lovers slid into a sunny window booth.

“Well, don’t you two just look like happy honeymooners?” The perky blonde waitress said, handing them menus.

They ordered a whole pie to split between them, as well as ice cream and coffee. Spike’s eyes sparkled as he thought about the food.

“Eager to give those human tastebuds a thorough testing?” Buffy teased.

“Always been a bit more partial to human food than the average vamp.” He said. “But I am lookin’ forward to enjoying it as it’s meant to be enjoyed. Figure it can only be better.”

Buffy reached across the table to grasp his hand, still marveling at the warmth of it. Her eyes shone “I’m so happy for you, Spike. So, so happy.”

Spike looked at her through long lashes, his head lowered to hide the blush he felt rising to the surface of his skin.

He was rescued from his embarrassment by the arrival of an exuberant brunette in a colorful vintage dress.

“Good morning!” She said cheerfully, sliding into the booth beside Buffy. “I hear you all had some excitement last night.”

Buffy’s expression grew stormy, and the glare Spike offered Chuck caused her to pale momentarily.

“Sorry!” She backpedaled.”That was rude. I’m just excited. Having a secret, it’s kind of a burden, you know? It’s nice to be able to be real with someone for a change.”

“So you…?” Buffy hedged.

“I’m Chuck. Ned’s girlfriend?” She looked at Spike. “I’ve kind of been through the same thing as you. Well, not exactly. I wasn’t, you know, conscious and walking around when it happened, but still….”

Spike looked at her curiously. “He resurrected you?”

“Wow, that sounds all mystical and spooky. But that’s the gist of it, I guess. I was murdered.”

“Me too.” Spike said with a grin.

Buffy’s mouth pursed in thought. “But if he resurrected you, then he can’t touch you again…”

“It’s a challenge.” Chuck confirmed. “We try not to let it bother us much.”

“Yikes.” Buffy said in sympathy. “I had a relationship kinda like that once.”

Spike shot her a look of annoyance, perturbed by her reference to Angel. Chuck looked crestfallen at the implication of the relationship’s demise.

“But hey, that one was kind of doomed from the start. I’m sure you and Ned will make it work.”

 

 

 

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